you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
