just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I die, sorry about rent.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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