He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
