The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
