Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize