we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
