Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
