im six kinds of drunk right now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
