I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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