she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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