I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
