my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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