yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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