I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize