Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
