I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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