you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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