i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
