my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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