I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just google imaged poop.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
