I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
