it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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