We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
