god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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