He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
