OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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