I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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