dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
