That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's the barista slut.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's blow job season.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
