my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
