So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
