I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have tasted many bathrooms
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
