remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
