better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
