My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
