so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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