think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
