my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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