Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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