As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
