i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So vagazzling was a success
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
