is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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