i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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