rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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