If that was your dad, he is hot
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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