I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
