im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
