Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
