Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
