I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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