its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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