His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have feelings that need drinking.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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