so that wasnt chicken after all
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
