dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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