i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
