I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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