Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
