Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
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