I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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