I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
