you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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