Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
