Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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