girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
