its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
