It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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