no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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