My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
