hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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