for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we're making bets on your personal life
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What a dumb baby whore.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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