Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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