dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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