drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
