Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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