I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have aggressive nipples.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
