Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
