im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
then he tried to convert me to islam
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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