peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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