Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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