at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
