Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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