you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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