I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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