Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
