i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
