I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
