I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
